LIKE many of us in a pandemic riddled year, Santa has had some serious issues in 2020 just trying to stay happy and do his job. A few days out from his busiest night of the year, imagine just the logistical problems he faces as COVID-19 surges around the world. We realised that maybe it would not be the absolute best time to contact the well-known off season golfer for his favourite Christmas golf tip, but what the heck, we decided to give it a try anyway.
When we rang Santa HQ a rather harried assistant listened politely to our request… and then threatened to put us on the permanent naughty people’s list.
Nevertheless, courageously, and on behalf of all our readers who enjoy their regular golf tips, we persisted with our entreaty.
“Okay, okay,” the harried assistant said. “I’ll go and put your request before the CEO… but I can’t guarantee the outcome. There could be some pain here.”
We waited patiently on hold for about twenty five minutes, during which time we were entertained by a very catchy and emotionally enthralling song on a loop about a reindeer with a shiny nose seeking redemption.
Eventually “the big man” came to the phone. Unexpectedly, Santa sounded very relaxed, calm and assured. Jolly, even.
“I understand you want my favourite Christmas golf swing tip,” Santa said. “Do you know had often people ring me, just a few days before my busiest day of the year, and ask for a golf swing tip?”
“Never???” we nervously ventured.
“Exactly!” Santa exclaimed.
Struggling through the tears, we put our case that all the mostly well-behaved golfers around the world had been through a lot in 2020 and that some of his renowned golf instruction advice might lighten their Christmas and New Year holiday period. We also mentioned how inspired we had been when we saw the video of him winning the ‘86 North Pole Fourball Invitational alongside the Easter Bunny. That seemed to soften him.
“You really saw that?” Santa said. “I was hitting the ball great that week. And EB was superb. He’s such a rock.”
After a few deep breaths Santa relented.
“All right, all right,” he said. “This is my all-time greatest golfing advice.”
“Tell all the golfers around the world… to go out to their favourite golf course, or any course anywhere really, and just really, really, enjoy themselves. Let all the tension and crap go. Even if someone has been so unkind as to put black golfing socks in their Christmas stocking, just let it all go! Don’t worry about the score, just breathe and enjoy.”
“Is that all they need?” I ventured.”
“That’s all,” Santa said. “That’ll be the best present ever.”
“Thanks Santa, they’ll appreciate that,” I said, and hung up.
And thanks to all our readers and associates and wishing everybody, as much as possible under the circumstances, a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. See you all in a hopefully happier, healthier and wealthier 2021.
