Larry Caning: Golfing Loves and Hates for 2021

By Larry Canning.

I LOVE that golf is going nuts all over the world!.. well maybe except poor Melbournians where ironically the golf courses are some of the best on this and any other planet where golf is played.

Around the rest of the country golf clubs are so chockers they are staging weekly lotteries to see who can score a tee time for Saturday week’s Single Par Even. When it comes to monthly medals, well that’s more a case of nervously sitting before the club’s board members, regime in hand and being interviewed for the fourth player to join the 12.54 slot off the 10th.

“Mr Canning I see you had a commendable 72 nett in your trial medal round in April. Unfortunately you haven’t even won a ball since. Sorry but please feel free to re-apply for December’s medal”. “Next Please!”

For us at Mt Broughton Golf Club, we have a relatively small membership and visitors make up a big part of our fields. Problem is while we are a regional area, we had restrictions placed on us because of a handful of positive cases a couple of months ago. That meant no-one outside our LGA could grace our fairways including everyone who cant get a game in Sydney.

I HATE the fact we have the timeslots, a beautiful lush championship golf course but no one is allowed to play!

And as I’m writing this, the new Premier has just whacked another two weeks of restrictions on us meaning we’re again going to be ringing hundreds of booked in golfers with the bad news.

Yep, in one quick sentence Dominic Perrotet has just shut us down for another financially painful fortnight while more Sydney golfers are selling members of their families for a tee time from Wollongong to Gosford. Its bloody excruciating, readers!!

I’d even compare it to going 4 days without carbs so I can have two famous Gumnut Patisserie Chunky Steak Pies… watch as the girl opens the oven and gently places these beautiful creations face up in the small cardboard tray (I have to admit, at this point I might just lower the facemask enough to take in the gorgeous aroma) and place them on the counter. Then as I eagerly remove my debit card to claim my treasure, she tells me the eftpos machine is down.

I LOVE watching the Ryder Cup on TV! It might be yesterday’s news by now but it was an absolute thrashing by the highly ranked Americans but I still really enjoyed the “play for no money passion” and celebration of every moment.

This might hurt a bit…but.. I did suggest on radio it would be a close victory by the more experienced Europeans… Ouch! Excuse me while I grab another glass of Penfolds Pain Relief.

Watching the three days of one sided play it did look pretty obvious that a team with 9 of the world’s top 11 players including a bunch of youngsters unscarred from recent defeats was never going to be beaten.

I think it comes from watching my young son who proudly went through the soccer referee course at the age of 13 only to cop a gob full from a dickhead sideline parent at his first game.  So I HATE seeing referees, umpires or rules officials being abused by players. How Brooks Keopka spoke to not one but two rules officials during the Ryder Cup in front of a bunch of people was disgraceful. The big unit had carved his drive into the waste land and was asking for relief from some kind of metal drainage grid.

This how the conversation went with the second rules official after Keopka didn’t accept the explanation from the first.

“I don’t think it’s gonna interfere with your swing”, he tells Koepka, who replied, “You ever seen me hit a ball?” “I’ve seen you hit plenty of balls.”

“If I break my wrist, it’s on f…..g both of you.”

His playing partner Daniel Berger even labelled their decision as “f…..g bullshit”

Keopka goes on to hack his ball up out of the garbage to within a few feet of the hole with absolutely no contact made with the so-called offending drain.

I HATE Bullies!

Finally, I LOVE writing this column and if I don’t finish it right now I’m going to miss my deadline and potentially lose my job. So goodbye readers for another month but hopefully I’ll be back with my Christmas wish list in December. 

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