Larry and Lappy: Golfing buddies to the very last byte

Larry CanningBy Larry Canning

I’ve just had one of those sad experiences where I was left on a barstool, having a schooner all by myself. I tried to look like I was busy on my phone and totally not there for the customary “afternoon beer with a mate at the local”.

I ordered a second, thinking/hoping someone would come in and say, ‘G’Day Lazz’, while pondering whether I’d even offer the old mate in the singlet who often waddles in and preys on the friendless drinkers with the sole purpose of being offered a freebie.

When I found myself going through my phone messages and pretending to laugh loudly at an imaginary mate who was in fact the Telstra accounts bloke telling me to pay an overdue bill, I realized I’d better grab a six pack from the bottle-o and head home.

So here I am, sitting in front of my old friend, “Laptop”, sipping on a Coopers Pale Ale.

G’Day Lap, what’s new? Yeah, I agree, the last 10 months have been one hell of a weird ride, haven’t they?

Anyway, If you’d offered me 1,000 shares in Pine-o-cleen this time last year as a bet that I would have the following conversation with an elderly bloke at the pro shop counter… I’d have told you to go and get disinfected!

So, an extremely mature guy comes to the counter right in the middle of the most popular public tee time (10am) and says “Good morning, young fella”. At that point I wondered if he was, in fact, the person who invented golf.

“I’m not off until 11.30 but thought with all the rigmarole I have to go through just to pay for my wife and me, I should get here nice and early.”

When I asked him if he’d scanned the Covid barcode on the stand outside, the window of the shop or the station just inside the door he replied “I tried but it doesn’t work!”

“Good thing we have a fourth one on the counter,” I said. “Have you downloaded the Service NSW app on your phone?”

“No, I don’t think so… maybe… my grandson did something for me… I think.”

When I offered to do it for him, he said in a rather indignant tone, “Should you be touching my phone? ‘

“I have a glove on,” I replied.

“Where’s that glove been?”

By this time, all the people booked in before “Old Tom Morris” have formed a queue from the pro-shop doorway and across the putting green. I’m not making this up but after I convince him to hand over his phone by offering to wipe the bloody thing with a sanitized tissue, he goes to pay with his card but forgets the bloody password.

Hey Lap, I’m grabbing another Coopers. Sure you don’t want a cool spray of Glen 20 or something?

So, what did you make of Bryson DeChambeau’s Covid weight gain and crazy power resulting in a US Open victory?

What’s that, Lappy? The weight gain didn’t work for ME? Don’t be a smart Acer!

Love what he’s doing or hate it, you have to admit he’s great entertainment. You don’t fluke a 6-shot US Open win. I actually did an equipment review on the Cobra Single-Length Irons and found the whole idea really interesting. It took a few hits to get the hang of them but I felt there was definitely something in the concept. 

I like the Aussies for 2021 don’t you, Lappy? Leish didn’t fire in 2020 but already he’s showed signs of form in Hawaii. Scotty will surely win again and Cam Smith is destined for a major. Maybe Augusta in a few months?

I hope Jason Day gets his back fixed. He’s too bloody good not to be winning. Keep an eye on Cam Davis as well!

While we’re talking about players to keep an eye on, what about Gabby Ruffles and Stephanie Kyriacou! Gabbie coming within a tennis string of claiming her second consecutive US Amateur and Steph claiming Ladies Euro Tour Rookie of the year honours without touching a cent of cash she would have pocketed by winning the LET sanctioned Ladies Classic at Bonville.

At the other end of the age scale, watch out for Stephen Leaney on the US Champions Tour. Leaney looks like he’s physically still in his thirties with a golf swing I would cut off my… aaa now let’s see, what don’t I need any more?

Lappy, I can see your battery getting low and I’m tired and a little disappointed that I’m talking to a computer…. Now, now, don’t take it hard, you and I have been through some times and I wouldn’t trust another more expensive computer to keep all my passwords. Never.





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