Golf Humour

Playing the 17th at TPC Sawgrass

A golfer in his golden years has a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Verde in Florida, exactly the way the pros do it.

The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the older golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short and into the water.

Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other “average” golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.

However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above came booming out from the clouds, saying: “Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one.”

The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: “Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing.”

So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

The voice boomed out again.

“Take another practice swing.”

Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited …

A long silence followed …

Then the voice again:

“Use the old ball.”

Jesus and Moses playing golf

Jesus and Moses were golfing one day. When they came to a hole with a water hazard in front of the green, Moses told Jesus to lay up short and chip to the green.

Jesus said: “If Arnold Palmer can make the green from here, so can I.”

Jesus shot and landed in the water. Jesus said “Darn”, walked on the water, reached in and got his ball. He walked back, dropped his ball and swung again. Again he landed in the water.

After Jesus retrieved his ball for the third time, Moses again told him to lay up short but, Jesus wouldn’t listen, insisting that if Arnold could make it so could he.

After hitting the ball for the fourth time, he went to go get it. While he was standing on the water two golfers came over the hill. One shouted at Moses, “Who does he think he is, Jesus?”

“No” shouted Moses, “he thinks he’s Arnold Palmer”.

Gold Coast Romance

A couple met while holidaying on the Gold Coast and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.

“It’s only fair to warn you Jody,” the man confessed. “I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf.”

“Well, since you’re being honest, so will I.” Jody said. “I’m a hooker.”

“I see.” The man said, frowning. He thought for a few moments  and then brightened and smiled. “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

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