Larry’s starry-eyed golfing predictions for 2016

LARRY CANNING has taken out his golfing crystal balls (he has been warned about that) and come up with his predictions for the world of golf in 2016.

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Larry Canning Portrait 174By Larry Canning

Ah-Hah, Yes … it’s becoming quite clear now. I’m looking into my TaylorMade Tour Preferred Chrystal Ball and I’m seeing some amazing extrapolations for 2016.

I can see inside the famed Butler Cabin at Augusta National and there’s Jason Day being handed the Green Jacket by one of his greatest rivals Jorden Spieth. That’s come right after another one of those exhaustingly syrupy banters between the Chairman of Augusta, Billy Paine, and America’s nicest bloke and long-time Butler cabin TV host, Jim Nantz.

I’m in a bit of a quandary with Big Jim. Whenever he speaks, I get the urge to bawl my eyes out and give him a big hug… then I’m suddenly consumed with the overriding impulse to smack him across the chops to harden him up.

If ever there was a golfer perfectly designed to wear a Green Jacket its Jason Day. He hits the ball long, high with a slight draw and can putt the absolute dots off his nut. And now he has finally removed that giant “Eastern Silver Back Gorilla” from his back with a victory in last year’s PGA, you’d have to think he’s freed up to win a bunch more majors.

Just a second… I’m making out an image a young Irishman on the 18th green Larrys balls 2dancing up and down on the one spot with both his arms hanging limp, by his side. Is it Michael Flatley? No its Rory McIlroy! (Remember him?).

Possibly the most naturally gifted golfer ever to have thrown a 3 iron into a lake, appears to be back in the winner’s circle after claiming his fifth major, the US Open. Rory’s 2015 was interrupted by, what I estimate to be a 13 million dollar accident, while having a kick in the back yard with some mates. What a scrumptious thought it is, watching Spieth, Day and McIlroy battling it out for the world number one spot throughout year!

A bit of a wipe of my crystal sphere and I appear to be looking into… what appears to be a board room? There is a group of blokes sitting around a large square table, all wearing golf clothes. Another wipe of the Taylor Made Oracle and I’m starting to make out some of their faces. There’s Colin Montgomery, Lee Westwood, Sergio Garcia, Dustin Johnson and there seems to be an empty chair at the end with the name Henrik Stenson written on the back. Up on the wall there is a photo of John Daly with three darts stuck in his forehead. I know what that meeting is all about now. It’s the annual  “Best players in the world not to have won a Major” convention.

Actually a closer look at the empty chair and I can now see the Old Claret Jug sitting on it. Despite owning most of Sweden, after winning both the FedEx Cup and the Race to Dubaii in the space of a fortnight, Henrik’s trophy cabinet has been full of spondooley but sadly devoid of a major trophy. It seems this will change in late July this year when he smashes “Rorrl Trorn” (that’s Scottish for Royal Troon) into complete submission. If it can’t be an Aussie to win a biggy, I always hope it’s a player who really deserves a win and has earned his or her right to make the speech.

Now what does the Crystal Tour Preferred have for me next?

I think it’s the US PGA because I can hear lots of boisterous American fans yelling out “Go Jordan, Go Jordan!”. Spieth is leading but there seems to be a big languid yet powerful golfer who looks a lot like Marc Lieshman. Yes it’s the big Aussie and he has just birdied the last to beat Spiethy by a shot. Liesh has now led both the Masters and the Open with nine holes to play and it’s time to finish the job off. Had it not been for a divot hole the size of The Large Canyon… That’s the one that’s just south of The Grand Canyon, during the Play-Off at St Andrews last year, Marc would have a major already.

A bit more rubbing and I can now see a small framed female professional jumping into the dam that surrounds the final green at the Kraft Nabisco Championship. No it’s not Lydia Ko, its Australia’s highest ranked female golfer, Minjee Lee. Witnessing the teenager’s short but brilliant career emerging is like watching the seedling grow into a huge gum tree in time lapse photography.

Finally I can make out an emotional Larry Canning standing at the bar with a keno ticket he has just won off his mate Brooksy.

Wow! What a year it’s going to be!



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