After a less than stellar year for everybody, LARRY CANNING’s Christmas wish list is surprisingly only slightly longer than usual…
Hey Santa,
Remember me? I’m the one who sat on your knee at Woy Woy Shopping centre, looked up to see what appeared to be an over-weight werewolf with glasses and proceeded to scream my lungs out with enough force to break any ear drums within 100 metres.
Well, I’ve finally grown up (and out) Santa and realized werewolves don’t wear red hats and if you have restored the ability to hear, I’d like to put my order in for 2020. Delivery around late December would be great thanks.
Let’s start with some shares in Pfizer. Just one would do.
Sant, if I can you call you that, I would really love an answer to my dilemma of how to lose weight while playing golf in cart. What about some kind of exercise apparatus attached to the driver’s side. Just steering a cart all over the golf course trying to find my pill is helping and carrying my big heavy stand bag all the way from the carpark is having some impact but I’m talking more along the lines of a “ VIBRO-FIT ONE – A Sleek & Compact Multi-Directional Vibration Fitness Plate”. If that’s a bit of a stretch, what about a “SAUNA EXERCISE SUIT – Just slip on and wear while you exercise or do house work. Like having a portable sauna bath”….. (for the sake of copyright, I found these two devices on google).
Can I have Dustin Johnson’s walk? I don’t need it when I’m pushing a shopping trolley around Coles trying to find the Packet Gravy section, I’m more referring to the period right after I’ve ripped a 195 metre drive down a short par 4.
I know this is a strange request Sant but I’d do anything for a new pair of golf shoes. I don’t care what colour they are or whether they have laces or fishing line holding them together, I just want them to move the same way as Bryson DeChambeau’s. Clearly the secret to his power is his shoes. I’ve watched it over and over on video and then compared it mine and his shoes are in a totally different position… in fact, in one slow-mo video both of Bryson’s feet are completely out of his shoes at impact but somehow find their way safely back in in time for the follow through. My foot work is as dynamic as Clive Palmer getting out of a Porsche!
Santa, I would also adore you even more if you could find me a Proshop to work in that doesn’t have a phone. Last week I had this exchange:
“Mt Broughton Golf Club, Larry speaking.”
“Hi Barry, its John here, I’d like to book in for next Sunday.”
“Do you mean this Sunday?”
“Yeah, next Sunday.”
“Sorry was that this coming Sunday?… So Sunday 11th?”
“Jesus Barry!! How hard can this be?!”
Then I hear John screaming to a third person – “Hey Marge! What’s the bloody date of next Sunday?”. To which Marge replies “Do you mean this Sunday?”
No longer had I put the phone down when it rang again.
“Hi, what’s the earliest time I can play socially this Saturday?”
“That would be 9.50am sir.”
“Oh, nothing earlier?”
Finally this little rip snorter broke me.
“Mt Broughton Golf Club, Larry speaking.”
“I’d like to book in early tomorrow, what’s available?”
“7.10am is available”
“My god, not that bloody early… what else do you have?”
“How about… 8.00am?”
“You must think I’m an insomniac!”
“Ok then, what about 3pm…. at Moss Vale Golf Club!”
Finally Sant, Can I have some of Cameron Smiths grit? He has the face of a kid on a vegemite ad but he consistently shows us he possesses a serious pair of Titleist’s. The way he handled himself on the biggest golfing stage on Planet Earth while the likes of Jon Rahm, Justin Thomas, Rory McIlroy all were left floundering, was nothing short of courageous. Can you throw in a bit of his Aussie “doesn’t take himself too seriously” attitude as well?
Thanks Santa, Ill leave some cake and the best part of a stubby of Pale Ale on the table.
I hope you, the loyal readers haven’t had too much grief through this crappy year and can enjoy a great Christmas with your families.
All the best and see you in January!
Larry
