By Larry Canning
THE Ryder Cup is a masterpiece of drama, excitement, unexpected twists and turns, and unbridled passion. Kind of like a Larry Canning column.
I love watching it every second year and would give one of my last TaylorMade Tour Preferred X balls to be there in real life. My mate Wayne Radar Riley says it’s easily the best event he covers in his globe-trotting golf commentary job. There is only one problem for me…. No Aussies!
Outside of my general rule of thumb of barracking for whatever team is playing against the Americans, I desperately want to be more involved in the outcome by having the likes of Adam Scott, Jason Day, Geoff Ogilvy, Matty Jones, Marc Leishman, Sendo, Bowditch and Apples battling it out for the Cup.
Now that I’m looking at these names in a little more detail, I’m certain they all come from somewhere in Europe.
Scott – well that’s pretty obvious isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I love women but I’ve no doubt Adam could well be the first bloke ever, to look good in a quilt.
Day – The Day surname was an occupational name for “Dairy Maid” in England and Scotland. You can see this in Jason’s soft hands and brilliant short game.
Ogilvy – One of the most feared Scottish Clans with its origins in Angus. Come to think of it, looking at Geoff’s physique, it does look he could do with a bloody good steak served with baby carrots and a jacket potato.
Jones – Some people think this name originated in America when Mister Dow wanted to come up with a two syllable term to explain the index that helps really rich people become richer. You’ve probably heard the term “Keeping up with the Joneses”? The reality is, Jones is the most common surname of Wales… I’m never really sure where that is… I think its Europe?
Leishman – the name first appeared in Stirlingshire and then Lanarkshire with the early spelling of Leech-man, which meant doctor. I think it now means lawyer. Some Leishmans later turned to clergy with William Leischman actually becoming “prior of Fogo” in 1465. That was before “Lord of the Rings” became really big.
Senden – Now this is a tough one but I have it on good authority that the name came from Germany where great motor cars are made. The type that are beautifully engineered and perform with near mechanical perfection. Just like John’s golf swing. It’s no secret that Sendo hits more greens in one round than Tiger has hit in the past 18 months. In fact the last time John was in the rough was when he was trying to find Tiger’s ball when they last played together. If he ever misses a green he will have to ask for a bloody ruling.
Bowditch – a habitational name from a place in Devon named Bowditch, from the Old English phrase bufan dice “above the ditch”…. Aaah, Let’s move onto Appleby shall we?
Appleby – Stuey’s ancestors were about as Scottish as you can get. The family held a seat as Lords of Manor Appleby which later turned into the county town of Appleby. Unfortunately the town was frequently sacked and plundered by the greedy dudes from down south. Clearly this is what still motivates Apples to keep his game sharp and continue to make squillions on the US PGA Tour. Just in case he is plundered again. Aaah yes, I know what its like to be plundered… I have three kids.
And this is why it makes perfect sense to include the players I’ve mentioned in the Ryder Cup of Origin. We’d probably keep Rory and Kaymer in the side. Maybe even Mad Dog Poulter who apparently needs to see an exorcist after every Ryder Cup event. If there’s still room in the team and John Daly looks like making the US side we could throw Ray the Croupier from Crown Casino in against him… That’ll be at least one point to us.