By Larry Canning
You know what readers, I’ve been waiting my whole life to find a paid job where I can have one hand on a schooner of mid strength, one hand on the lunch menu and yet another hand tapping away on my computer working on my latest golf column.
And wouldn’t you know it, that’s exactly where I am now. The pub is none other than the “Tall Timbers Hotel” [established in 1949] at Ourimbah on the beautiful NSW Central Coast.
I think it was about 1974 at this very venue, when I established myself as a quality beer appraiser at an age that may not have been totally legal. You see, my voice broke pretty early, and I was born around 6 feet in height (sorry Mum), so I was the last kid anyone would check for age. It worked a treat until the bar manager would hear past the bass tone voice and actually catch the immature dribble emanating from said larynx.
So what am I going to order from this menu? I’m torn between “Bangers and Mash” and “The Timber Cutter” – Seasoned Wagyu beef patty, caramelised onion, crispy bacon, American chedder cheese, fried egg, lettuce, tomato, pickle and beetroot topped with burger sauce and bbq sauce.
I’ll let you know how that goes.
I want to chat about lefties in the game of golf. I’ve just watched young American Tour Player, Akshay Bhatia step into his Callaway Chrome Tour pill from the right side and smoothly roll it into the hole for his second win since joining the big stage last season. Why do Lefties look so good when they putt? Even with a broom putter!, which by the way has a very similar physique to Akshay! I’m sure at some point, this kid’s caddy has mistakenly grabbed his boss, placed the putter cover on his head and shoved him into the bag, leaving his putter to walk to the next tee on its own.
The win gives gives Akshay a last minute call up for Augusta National, where those who awkwardly grab a right handed pair of scissors and finish up with fingers and thumbs poking out of all the wrong bits, actually reign almost supreme.
I’m something of an expert in the field of living with Lefties and its painfully obvious to me just how many issues the poor buggers have in a totally right hand dominated society. In my immediate family of five, just my middle son and I are totally right handed. For example, when Sandra is wrapping a present, grabs a pair of scissors and says can you hold the tape while I cut it, I go straight for the tube of Savlon and my Medicare card and place them well within her peripheral vision. Theres a fair chance I’m going to get, at best, a very bad manicure.
So why are there so few ‘mollydookers’ in golf? It’s golf club manufacturers fault! Just look at the amount of lefties in others ports compared to golf and the equipment options they have.
I’ve done some research on this and found there are as many left handed cricket bats produced each year as right handed. And the numbers in tennis rackets are exactly the same! Throw in Baseball bats, Bowling balls, Curling stones, the brooms used in Curling, Cheese rolling to name just a few. But walk into a golf shop and you’re a better chance of seeing Phil Mickelson behind the counter than see a set of left-handed clubs on display.
Augusta National has no such discrimination against the Cack-handers of the golfing world with its array of doglegs to the left, where the lefties can open the face up and let rip without fear of snap hooking or blocking.
The new pill and the spinless drivers make it extremely difficult to consistently hit a draw but for lefties, well they can fade the sphere on one leg… either leg, actually.
Oh yeah, here it comes. I can hear you even from the Tall Timbers all saying – “Hey D…head! Theres a couple of righties who’ve done OK!!” (Jack Nicklaus – 6 Jackets and Tiger – 5). Sorry but those two don’t count in my argument because – well they just don’t, alright!?
In terms of Ratio of Southpaws winning the Masters compared to the other three majors its blatantly obvious Augusta is very left-handed friendly. Augusta has 6 victories, The Open – 3 (Brain Harmon’s win last year hasn’t helped my point), US PGA – 2 and US Open – Zip!
I know it’s a little late to be calling the winner of this year’s Masters, given this is my May column, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if Mickelson, Watson, Harmon, Weir and now Akshay Bhatia wound up attempting to accept the green coat from a right hander. [Edit: In Hindsight: Maybe Not!]
Oh, and I chose the Bangers and Mash which I was really enjoying until a young bloke just walked past me with a plate full of “The Timber Cutter”. I’ve only had half a sausage, so I wonder if the kids up for a swap?
