Drama, controversy and outpourings of joy as Larry Canning announces his latest New Year golfing gongs: The Larrys

Larry CanningLarry Canning presents his highly regarded, much anticipated, industry leading, hugely sought-after, annual golfing awards – “The Larrys”. 

Yes folks, strap yourselves in and join me as we look back on a year of…uumm… well it was flat-out crap, wasn’t it? Lets try and find something to celebrate anyway.

Our first “Larry” for the evening is awarded to the person with the most effective “Stunned Mullet” look. The name pretty much says it all.

Nominations are – 

  • ME as I watched Tiger in the back trap on 12 at Augusta, catch his Bridgestone BXS right on the forehead ripping it straight into Rae’s Creek at breakneck speed. Good thing there were no “Patrons” there as it may have led to a fatality. The only shot he hit with more kilometres per hour that day would have been his drive off the next tee.
  • The look on Lucas Herbert’s chops when he hit what he described as the worst shot of his career on the final hole of the Dubai Desert Classic to allow Christiaan Bezuidenhout to force a playoff.
  • The Look on Christiaan Bezuidenhout’s face when Lucas hit the best shot of his career in the play-off to win.

But the winner of the “Larry” for the best Stunned Mullet goes to Bryson DeChambeau. The self-proclaimed Masters favourite’s eye balls looked more like a Giant Deep Sea Squid than the harmless Mullet when he sank to 2-over par late on Friday afternoon. I’m sure I saw the Professor mouth to his caddy “What’s going on?… I’m supposed to win this”

I know its not nice to poke fun at people with big heads but when you have one yourself its actually OK. So lets get to it.

Our next “Larry” is awarded for the tour player with the biggest head. I’m not talking about someone who loves themselves a little more than they should, I’m identifying the bloke with the biggest Melon.

Phil Mickelson, an early Larrys award favourite, seen here trying to keep his massive noggin in check

And the Nominations are –

  • Lefty Mickelson goes quite well in the conk department. He can pull it off mainly because the rest of him is rather large as well. Including his opinions… about himself.
  • The length of Lodewicus Theodorus “Louis” Oosthuizen’s name is crazy but it wouldn’t matter how much you stretched out each syllable, you still couldn’t wrap it all the way around his noodle.
  • Sir Nick Faldo has a massive Sir Nut as well but after spotting Fred Funk playing last month I remembered just how big that scone is. Therefore Fred is the winner of “The Larry”. If I was charging $60 a head for green fees at Mt Broughton Golf club I don’t think I’d have any choice to charge Fred $120.

The biggest spit.

One of my faves! Nominations are –

  • Rory McIlroy is one of my favourite players. I love the way he swings so freely with no fear of where his pill will go. I also love the way he can throw or break a club with the same disregard for the upcoming fine as seen with his wedge snapping during the Zozo Championship.
  • Brooks Keopka often disappoints me with his arrogant interviews but the recent chat he had with the press at the PGA Championship was a breath of fresh air. He told us he lost his stuff while on the practice range and tossed a couple of his clubs. Suddenly his coach spotted how well he transferred his weight while chucking his toys and its helped his game to no end.
  • My third nomination and winner is arguably the world’s best Spitter, Tyrrell Hatton. Tyrells toss during the CJ Cup at Shadow Creek was an absolute thing of beauty. Unlike some other more angry looking throws the Englishman has committed, this one was calm, precise and totally inoffensive. I’m pretty sure the PGA Tour didn’t see the same level of allure I did but for what it’s worth I loved it. As an equipment nut, I love it when the PGA do a “What’s in the bag” segment. I’ve noticed when they look into Hatton’s bag its always before he hits off. 

Which brings us to that old chestnut of “Larry” awards, funkiest names on Tour.

Nominations are –

  • Korean women Professional golfers are well known for putting everything aside in their pursuit of becoming a winning tour player. It was no surprise when I heard that despite having a promising profession as a doctor, nothing was going stand in the way of a career in golf for Min Seo Kwak.
  • LPGA Tour player Dana Finkelstein has made great inroads this year. It seems like she has finally cast aside the nasty shadow of her infamous great, great grandfather Baron Von Finkelstein. 
  • The winner of the “Larry” goes to Mark Hubbard. It was only a year ago when Mark could barely get out of bed to play after he lost, who he described as his best mate, his dog Rupert. He still blames himself for what happened that sad day. It is too long to write here but let’s just say it involved an empty cupboard.

That concludes the “Larrys” for 2020 folks.

I have to say, I’ve never looked more forward to a New Bloody Year!!

I hope 2021 brings you all some half decent rounds and may all your third putts safely find the bottom of the hole.

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