Larry Canning is worried Jordan Spieth may be just a little bit too perfect …

By Larry Canning

I just can’t figure Jordan Spieth out! He remains an absolute enigma to me. As a golfer he’s clearly pretty handy but there are guys who drive it longer, strike it more purely and swing the club with much more grace and correctness but we knew this already, didn’t we?

We also know when it comes to showing the “Srixons” when the pressure could blow the tyre off a Humvee, Jordy is one of the best in history. If there was a stat used to measure “strokes gained” by being ballsier than an Eastern Grey Kangaroo in September, this guy would own it. I kind of understand how he continually beats the best in the world with sheer will and a putter that seems to have a switch under the grip which measures the – “I really need this putt” factor, it’s the actual bloke I can’t quite fathom. No-one is that bloody perfect!

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to answer the door one night to see Jordan standing there with a Dominoes cap on, holding a family size meat-lovers pizza in his hand.

“But Jordan, I didn’t order a pizza mate?”.

“I know Larry but I’m just a really nice guy and I wanted to give you one for free”

Imagine if he was a in the repossession industry? “Sorry Larry, I’m here to repossess your prized Commodore….. but listen. I’ve had a pretty good year on the PGA Tour, here’s enough cash to buy a brand newy mate. Say hello to Sandra and the kids!”

How can you possibly trust this man?

The triple major champion also doesn’t seem to have a problem signing autographs for the kiddies, giving high fives to weird looking gallery members holding a can of Budweiser in the other hand and even speaking to the evil media with what looks very much like a happy face!

It’s not like Jordan doesn’t fire up! When things aren’t going to plan he can be extremely expressive but it’s only ever at himself. No verbal beating up of his caddy or a camera man who may have been just trying to do his job. His speech after winning the Claret Jug was something you’d expect from the Dali Lama, not a 24 year old kid who has been a multi-millionaire since he was an even younger kid.

Failing a shocking revelation that his girlfriend suddenly discovers his mobile phone only has female Christian names stored in it ranging from Abigail through to Zoey, and this sends her into a jealous rage smacking him over the head with a Nike 9 iron, 1/2 inch longer than standard with an extra stiff shaft and a cord grip… Jordy appears to be PERFECT!

Or is he? I recently played in a Wayne Grady and Brian Jones arranged Charity day at Lakelands Golf Club on the Gold Coast with three great blokes. One was named… for his own personal safety perhaps its better I don’t expose him in a magazine hundreds of thousands people read each month. I’ll just call him, Neville. Oh shit, sorry that’s actually his name! Let’s change that to “Nervous”.

When we were sitting in the clubhouse having some post round expensive red wines, Nev…. Sorry, Nervous asked me if I have any kids. “Yeah sure do Nerv, three sons, how about you”. He told me he had two daughters and one of them was married. “Oh that’s nice mate, is he a good bloke”, I said.

Without battering an eyelid he came back with “He’s a serial killer”.

“Bloody hell Nervous, do you have evidence?” I whispered.

“Absolutely” He said, now with his face that close to mine, I felt the need to re-apply some chapstick. “He is polite, respectful, he never argues with me and always claims responsibility when something goes wrong and he’s extremely successful in his field”.

“Well, he certainly fits the profile” I replied with as much sarcasm as I could muster.

“All these sociopath’s have a perfect social front which they use to disguise their true purpose” he said.

Nerv stood up and walked out right after that, peering over his shoulder and checking his phone as he walked out. I haven’t given it any thought until now but maybe his profiling is right; which leads me to the question – Is Jordan Spieth a serial killer with a brilliant putting stroke?

Maybe we’ll never know. Unless Jordan has a bit of a slump and some of the best players in the world strangely go missing….

Just saying.

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