Larry Canning casts a (sometimes) loving eye over the 2015 Presidents Cup teams

FOR 24 of the world’s best golfers making the American or Internationals teams for the 2015 Presidents Cup in South Korea was the easy part. Now they have to pass Larry Canning’s expert scrutiny.

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Presidents Cup. It’s time!!!

My breakdown of both teams:

AMERICANS

Jordan Spieth – I’m a huge fan of this kid! He plays with passion and grit but no-one plays with more respect for his, usually vanquished, playing partners. The glimpses of anger and frustration just make him more likeable!

Bubba Watson – Spoiled little brat.

Jimmy Walker – Great golf swing and beautiful putter… I think I’m in love!

Zach Johnson – I had no reason to dislike this nice, spiritual, religious guy until he beat an Aussie in a Major play-off… Now he’s on “Larry’s most hated American” list along with Larry Mize, Paul Azinger, Mark Calcaveccia, Justin Bieber, Donald Trump and all the Kardashians.

Jim Furyk – While ever he swings the club that way in public, I will feel like Adam Scott!

Ricky Fowler – Too much like Justin Bieber.

Dustin Johnson – No-one is that cool without the use of something you can’t buy in a Chem-mart.

Patrick Reed – America’s most targeted player… and he’s on the American team!

Matt Kucher – good bloke.. The only thing more down to Earth than Matt, is his backswing plane.

Chris Kirk – Another grounded, good bloke… Fly’s under the radar and beats some bloody good players… Actually, I don’t like him now.

Bill Haas – Son of the Captain… I’ve never heard a Presidents Cup Captain justify a “Captains pick” like that in my life!!

Phil Mickelson – Has a way better chance of becoming president than Donald Trump!

INTERNATIONALS

Jason Day – Finally a major winner! I have never cried that much while watching a sporting event in my life… well since I saw that Russian gymnast miss-time a routine on the pommel horse.

Louis Oosthuizen – Despite having the full name of Lodewicus Theodorus Oosthuizen, the South African appears to have discovered a new form of golf which is far simpler to the one I play. He puts less effort into a 300 yard driver than it takes me to remove the head cover off my driver! Clearly, he failed physics at school!

Adam Scott – Apparently has lost a bit of passion for the game thanks to the “Royal & Bloody Ancient” – Ironically, the name of the governing body in charge of taking our game into the future… Word is, Scotty has invested some serious cash in the recycling of long putters into TV antennas so the punters, who will be forced to give the game away in 2016, can at least watch other people play it with a better picture.

Hideki Matsuyama – The young Japanese Samurai! (That sounded pretty cool, didn’t it?)

Branden Grace – Appears to be a real street fighter who loves playing well in big events. I would love to whack Bubba Watson in one of those cage fighting octagons with Grace. “Mummy, I don’t want to play with Branden anymore!!”

Marc Leishman – I love watching this freewheeling Aussie play! He is another player who puts the pedal down when others are squirming around reaching for the hand brake. If there was a golfer who epitomizes everything I’m not, its Marc…. They don’t call me “Skid Marks” for nothing!

Anirban Lahiri – We don’t know much about this Indian Professional except he plans to give the Yanks some curry!

Charl Schwartzel – Charl and I didn’t kick our relationship off very well after he birdied the last 4 holes in the 2011 Masters to beat Adam Scott and Jason Day. It’s OK though, we are talking again now…

Thongchai Jaidee – Thailand’s Legend. Despite being roughly half the weight of Phil Mickelson’s golf bag, Thongchai will not go away.

Danny Lee – About time Danny!!. With your talent, where have you been mate?

Steve Bowditch – The Aussie with the eye browse resembling two ferrets kissing, has become a week to week threat on the big stage.

Sangmoon Bae – Belting the Yanks will be good practice for his impending stint in the South Korean Military. With a different haircut, Patrick Read looks strangely like Kim Jong-un as well.

So there it is…. Internationals, Internationals, Internationals.. Oi, OI, OI!

 

[The 2015 Presidents Cup takes place at the Jack Nicklaus Golf Club Korea in  Incheon City, South Korea, from October 8 to 12]

 

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